A love triangle is usually a prescription for broken hearts unless you have the kind of love triangle that keeps hearts from being broken. Why would God want us talking about this subject today? He wants to remind us of our covenant. God knows the enemy is having a field day trying to disrupt marriages and families. God reinforces the power of unity within marriage again and again throughout His Word.
So then, what does the Bible say about marriage? Why did God create this beautifully messy thing called holy matrimony? Marriage is and always will be an earthly symbol of a heavenly truth. Marriage is a picture of Christ and His relationship with the church.
As the author in Song of Solomon expresses his love for his bride in Song of Solomon 8:7. He makes a bold statement, in essence, that love cannot be purchased. The love you choose to walk in, in your marriage, is meant to show the world this same truth—that God’s love is unearned and cannot be bought with anything you have to offer.
Our marriages are to be walking examples of God’s unending love, grace, and mercy. Whether we are being good examples, walking in the direction and command of the Lord, or we are being disobedient and rebellious to it, we are being a symbol to the world. What gospel is your marriage preaching to this lost and dying world? Is it proclaiming the never-ending and ever-patient love of God?
Our marriages can and should bring glory to God and point outsiders, who are looking in, to a loving and redeeming God. Marriage was created by God, it is His, and He desires for it to be used His way and for His purposes. More to the point: Your marriage is God’s, and He desires for it to be done His way and for His purposes!
Are you ready for that?
If Only We’d Stop Inviting and Involving Jesus in The Wedding Only…And Start Inviting and Involving Jesus in The Marriage Also, We’d Be So Much Better! However, If Truth Be Told, We Have a Bad Tendency to Invite Everyone Else into Our Marriages, Except Jesus. Oh, we’ll talk to family, friends, coworkers, and just people of interest that will lend an ear (some with pure motives and intentions, many without). But the One person we committed our vows before is the one person we overlook in marital trouble. We seek outside sources, when He’s waiting on the sidelines, ever so patient, for us to include Him back in the triangle. I mean, if it started with Him, shouldn’t we carry it all the way through with Him?
Now, there's a formula in Ecclesiastes 4. It's a formula for lasting bonds between people. You could very well call it the arithmetic of love. Here's what it says beginning at verse 9, "Two are better than one, because they have a good return for their work. If one falls, his friend can help him up. But pity the man who falls and has no one to help him up. If two lie down together they will keep warm, but how can one keep warm alone? Though one may be overpowered, two can defend themselves. A cord of three strands is not quickly broken."
That passage is a powerful statement about relationships, especially if you apply it to the ultimate relationship of marriage. It says two works together better than one, two walk together better than one, two stand together better than one, and then suddenly the number changes. Suddenly it's talking about three strands. Wait…I thought we were talking about two…So enter the love triangle: a husband, a wife, and God. That's the kind of love triangle that avoids broken hearts. Ephesians 5:21 alludes to it when it says, speaking to husbands and wives, "Submit to one another out of reverence for Christ." (NIV). It's the Jesus factor in a marriage that always makes the difference. Now, the triangle is the strongest geometric figure there is, and a love triangle with Christ at the top is virtually indestructible! In other words, you've got the man and woman joined together by that line along the bottom, but they both have a line going up to Jesus at the top. That bond between the man and the woman will fray sometimes. There's interference, there's disappointment, there's disillusionment, there's hurt. But if both the man and woman are connected to Christ at the top of the triangle, that bond will hold them together when the bond of human compatibility is unraveling.
The problem with many of us as spouses is we don’t always keep Christ at the top of the triangle. Often, we fight to be in the top slot that we push Him down or take Him out of the equation altogether. But the only way for the love triangle with Jesus to work effectively, is to always be certain that He maintains His top priority position. While we’re fighting to be heard, fighting to be right, fighting to prove the other wrong, fighting to get the upper hand, we undermine His hand on our Covenant. Which makes you wonder: As soon as we think divorce is the answer, isn’t it amazing when you share that theory with others, most will always ask, “Have you prayed about it first?” Why do they ask that? Well, genius, you can’t call yourself a Christian then decide to Crucify your Covenant, and think people aren’t going to ask if you consulted Christ! Even other people are under the impression that you have Christ in your marriage! And so, they ask the obvious question of “have you prayed about it first?” And often, we haven’t, we just want a quick fix for what we’ve allowed to slowly break down over the years. We want Jesus, in the beginning, to bless our covenant, but as soon as conflict and crisis hits along the journey, we pull the marriage over, kick Jesus out from behind the wheel, and then drive our marriages right over the cliff! After all, how can you possibly think you can reach your marital destination without the only One who has the directions? And remember, we kicked Him out! But When You Take Over The Wheel, You Lose Your Way From His Will!
So, the question is, "How much is Jesus Christ a real Person and Presence in your marriage?" Do you pray together about real life issues as if Jesus is right there with you? "Lord, we've got to talk to You about this together." In fact, when was the last time you prayed with your spouse? Not for houses, cars, land, business, ministry, money, promotion, elevation, or personal gain. But prayed with your spouse: “Lord, teach us to be loving, faithful, supportive, encouraging, kind, generous, patient, forgiving. Teach us to acknowledge one another’s strengths and be patient and understanding in one another’s weaknesses. Teach us to be a better man and woman; better husband and wife; better father and mother; better son and daughter; better disciples; better believers, better friends, better spouses, better lovers, better teammates. Teach us to walk by faith and not by sight. Teach us to trust You when our finances or health is failing. Teach us to be Your mirror to the world of what unconditional love really looks like.” When is the last time you prayed with your spouse, not for personal gain, but for personal growth?
Do you often ask together, "What would Jesus do?" Are you cultivating the habit of sharing what Christ has said to you from His Word that day with each other? Do you get on your knees together and fight for your family, friends, and children?
And though most ‘super-saved Christian’s’ may call it ‘carnal’, but do you also laugh together, watch television together, travel together, go to the movies, out to dinner, go shopping, do you still date and court your spouse? Do you call and text your spouse as much as you do everybody else? Are you in your spouses’ face more than you’re on Face book? Do you share as many pictures with your spouse as you do with Instagram? Do you text your spouse as much as you tweet? Do you send flowers? Do you enjoy engaging conversation from talking about Jesus, to the weather, to the government, to what you ate for lunch? Do you take walks? Do you still share dreams, or have you only become each other’s nightmares? Do you sit down to dinner, in your own home, at your own dinner table, without the intruding guest of your cell phone, internet or social media? Do you go for a long drive? Picnic in the park? Weekend get-a-way to no-where in particular? Have you planned your vacation? Have you passionately made love to your spouse, or do you simply settle for watching such scenes on movies screens with actors portraying the roles of marital bliss? I know, sounds ‘carnal’ to some, but for those who know that it takes your body, soul, and spirit to make a marriage work, you get it! We don’t spend all of our time in church, in the Word or in prayer! Those things are wonderful, those things are needful, especially when they’re done as couples, however, going to the beach won’t send you to hell either! If you’re finding it difficult to laugh with your spouse over something silly, then something is wrong! Even Jesus, slept, ate, prayed, and wept…in other words Jesus expressed His natural as well as His spiritual. And there is absolutely nothing wrong with you doing the very same! As a couple you can preach the walls of Jericho down, but when you’re done, go to Olive Garden and eat some pasta! Are you getting this? You cannot expect to have an Enjoyable marriage that has no Joy!
Maybe the marriage is rotting because you’ve both stopped eating the fruit of the Spirit! Imagine if you digested daily more love for your spouse, more joy and peace with your spouse, more forbearance, kindness, goodness, faithfulness and gentleness towards your spouse, and more self-control to keep yourself only for your spouse, you’d see a tremendous difference take place in your marriage. That’s the beauty of having Jesus not only in your marriage, or a part of your marriage, but having Him (His Spirit) as Head Over your marriage! Then, even on bad days, you could still be good to your spouse!
So, are you attempting to make marriage work with just the two of you, or have you considered a love triangle with Jesus? After all, who better to have during your marriage, and even during its’ problems then Jesus? Jesus saves, heals, delivers, forgives, and understands; He is patient, kind, loving, and generous. Who better to teach a couple such characteristics but the One who has exemplified such characteristics with the Godhead? Isn’t it amazing how they work together? And as a believer, you have the opportunity and privilege to invite Them into your marriage to show you how to work together just like Them.
I’ve always said it, and always will; most often the issue in marriage isn’t ‘we’ve grown apart’, the issue is ‘we haven’t grown up.’ Marriage takes Maturity. It takes two people that will stop screaming ‘mine’ and start screaming ‘ours’. It takes two people that will stop trying to have their own way, and instead go in the way of God. It takes two people who learn to talk to each other and with each other not against each other and at each other. It takes two people who learn to attentively listen, even when they have so much, they want to say. It takes sacrifice, and sacrifice is painful and bloody! No one has ever made a sacrifice and thought it was good or even felt good! It’s hard, it’s tough, it can be grueling, but when you remember the purpose and payoff of the sacrifice, you’ll know it was worth it! But you must be an ‘adult’ to get there! You can’t play the bully; you can’t be the whiner; you can’t pick the fight; you can’t run to your corner and call it quits; you can’t drag in reinforcements of the flesh and think it will better anything! No! For this, you’ve got to grow up, mature, adult and fight to maintain the marriage you willfully made!
But sadly, we as a church live in a day and age where anyone, anything, everyone, everything is easily discarded. Can you imagine if we had to be perfect for Jesus to come? He would never have come because none of us are perfect. Instead, He came because our imperfections needed Him. He didn’t throw our sins in our face; He didn’t get joy out of our sorrows, pain, or failures; He didn’t say that we weren’t good enough; He didn’t give us a laundry list of perfection to live up to before He came. And yet, we as believers look for others, especially our spouses, to live up to an ideal that’s not ideal. We want them to cross every ‘T’ and dot every ‘I’, even though we don’t, and we can’t. And so when we don’t get what we expected, imagined or wanted, we discard. Aren’t you grateful Jesus doesn’t work like that? Not even Judas’ betrayal; Peter’s denial; or Thomas’ doubts could make Him replace them. He loved them, embraced them, and accepted them as the flawed individuals they were. However, as spouses, we don’t always treat one another with the same unconditional love. We don’t extend the same grace, mercy, and forgiveness. We aren’t as patient, dedicated, or determined. No, we simply and quickly discard.
Which makes me wonder about many of us and our employment? So many of us work in jobs that we hate or with people we would much rather not even walk on the same sidewalk with. And yet, we never up and quit our jobs; we don’t leave; we don’t walk away; we don’t throw our hands up and throw the towel in. We can be frustrated, taken advantage of, misused, disrespected, treated unfairly and even poorly, and still, 30 years later, we’re in the same job. If only we treated marriages with the same commitment.
Oh, there will be days when you’ll want to file for divorce; days you’ll have no idea why you got married in the first place; days when you think ‘who is this person?’ There will be conflict, arguments and even misunderstandings. There will be days that are hard and nights that are long. But if you wouldn’t throw in the towel on a job with people you hate; how can you throw in the towel with the person you said you love? Know this: Eventually that job will have no need of you and will discard you (retirement). But you’re married to a person who’s in it ‘till death do we part’, and yet that’s the person you choose to resign from? Listen, marriage is hard, it’s work and there will be days when you feel like it’s more work than going to work! But is it still worth it? Absolutely! God still hates divorce; adultery is still a sin; and a vow made, should still be a vow maintained.
Let today be the day you re-exam your own marriage. Is Jesus still a part of it, or have the two of you given Him the boot? Is He still the first Person you consult, or does He come in after you’ve called everyone else? The Man who has given sight to the blind; speech to the mute; walking to the lame; and life to the dead can surely help your marriage, don’t you think?
Lastly, when God is Love, how do you think you can manage a marriage without Him who is Love? The Father so full of love sent His very own Son to die just for us; Jesus so full of love laid down His own life, voluntarily, just for us; the Holy Spirit so full of love, has moved in and made His home in us, His temple. Now, just imagine if you invited and involved the Godhead into your marriage the level of love you both would be filled with?
Love triangles with people will destroy your marriage, but one with the Godhead ensures that it’s indestructible! Which will you choose today?
Before you get married, wait for someone who is joined to Jesus as you are, because it is worth the wait. And after you marry, practice His presence daily in your home. A love triangle with Jesus as that real third person is the strongest bond on earth!
Dear Lord, We know You created marriage as a testimony of Your power and grace, and that our marriage is a vessel for Your good will. Our greatest desire is to be unified in marriage to faithfully live out our days to please You. We pray You would give us a clear understanding of our purpose together.
As we pursue our purpose, we ask You to strengthen our hearts and give us confidence to accomplish all that You have for us. No matter what circumstances we face together, we pray that we would trust You to work all things together for good.
Thank You for the time we get to spend together: the conversations we have, the memories we make, and even the simplest moments of connection we share. Will You remind us to take advantage of the opportunities we have today to love each other in big and small ways? Please remind us that a significant part of our purpose in marriage is to encourage one another with the truth that You love us deeply. As we chase boldly after You together, may our love reflect Your love to a broken world. In Jesus’s name we pray. Amen.
“We know that for those who love God all things work together for good, for those who are called according to his purpose.” Romans 8:28.
As you pray together, you will: Learn to trust God more as you see him move in mighty ways in every area of your life and marriage. Create a lifelong habit of deep, meaningful, and specific prayer for your marriage as you commit to praying bold, powerful prayers for one another this year.
Blessings
J.P. Olson
www.journeyintotheword.com
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