Ecclesiastes 4:9, “TWO are better than one…” (NIV)
Edward Farrell said, “Listening is rare. THERE ARE CERTAIN PEOPLE to whom we feel we can talk because they have such a deep capacity for hearing, not just our words, but hearing us as a person. They enable us to communicate on a level we have never reached before. They enable us to be as we have never been before. We will never truly know ourselves unless we find people who can listen, who can enable us to emerge, to come out of ourselves, to discover who we are. We cannot discover ourselves by ourselves.”
Note the words: “THERE ARE CERTAIN PEOPLE…who enable us to be as we have never been before.”
THESE ARE THE PEOPLE YOU NEED THE MOST!
With that said, consider the following questions to help you discover whether you have found your “CERTAIN PEOPLE…” or NEED to Find Them:
1. Who Coaches You? What older, wiser, and more experienced brother or sister stands on the sidelines of your life and watches with the big picture in mind? Now keep in mind, coaches do not run the race for you, THEY SIMPLY SET THE STANDARD FOR THE RACE AND MAKES A JUDGMENT ON YOUR PERFORMANCE! So, who does this for you? Who mentors you? Who guides you? Who makes sure you do not go outside the boundaries? Remember This: “A good coach will make his players see what they CAN BE rather than what they ARE” (Ara Parasheghian). Therefore, find yourself a coach that can see your successful future even in your present failures!
2. Who Stretches Your Mind? Who makes you wince as they expose the many faces of your ignorance; who will not let you get away with spiritual and intellectual superficiality? Who makes sure you do not just play church? Who makes sure you do not become complacent and lazy? Who makes sure your streams are always flowing (since stagnant water stinks!) Which makes me think of a quote I love that reads: “Too many people confine their exercise to jumping to conclusions, running up bills, stretching the truth, bending over backwards, lying down on the job, sidestepping responsibility and pushing their luck” (Author Unknown) You need someone who will give you a more beneficial exercise plan for your future! You need someone who refuses to let you settle when they can stretch you to soar!
3. Who Listens To And Encourages Your Dreams? Dreams are not intellectual propositions that must be proven. They are the work of visionaries; they are out-of-the-box, frequently awful, and occasionally good. These are the folks who, when others laugh and say you are trying to build castles in the air, remind you that God “…calls things that are not as though they were” (Romans 4:17). Another translation says: “…God…gives life to the dead and calls into being things that were not”. These are the people you need! People who make you see the house while in the apartment. People who make you see the church with no license to preach. People who make you see the car with no permit. People who make you see a fruitful marriage while contemplating divorce. These people share your heart's desires with you and even when they seem a little far-fetched, they still believe. Do you have people like that? Another quote I love says: “All men dream but not equally. Those who dream by night in the dusty recesses of their minds wake in the day to find that it was vanity; but the dreamers of the day are dangerous men, for they may act their dream with open eyes to make it possible” (T.E. Lawrence). You need people in your life that will awaken you from daydreaming and push you to make your dreams a reality! If you do not have encouragers like that now, WHAT ARE YOU WAITING FOR? The birth of your dream is at stake!
4. Who Protects You? When the Christians in Jerusalem wanted nothing to do with the newly converted Saul of Tarsus, Barnabas acted as his advocate. Your voice alone is not enough! You need others to speak up for you. And this does not imply weakness! “You obey the law of Christ when you offer each other a helping hand.” (Galatians 6:2 CEV). You need people in your life that will protect you from critics, gossips, back-biters, and liars. People who protect all that you are in God, flaws, and all. People who know your mistakes, but also know the price of forgiveness that was paid in Blood on your behalf. Therefore, they will not sit around idly and let others use your past to abuse your future. In other words, locate your Barnabas who will encourage you, stand up for you, support you, and protect you. “The antidote for fifty enemies is just one faithful friend” (Aristotle). You do not need the Tree to protect you from the heat of the sun, all you need is the Shade of the tree! Therefore, find you a Barnabas who you can stand in the shade of when the heat is on, they will stand before you and be a friendly protection.
5. Who Shares Your Tears? Mary was close enough to share Jesus’ tears in His most painful, life-draining moment. Who is close enough to you to pick up on the signals (even the silent ones), to sense when fears and tears need to be shared? Yes, there are times when we need a pep talk or a shot in the arm, but there are also times when we need to be encouraged to lie low and realistically process our emotions. Who does that for you? Who cries with you, but has enough discernment and wisdom to know when you have cried enough? “Tears are the safety valve of the heart when too much pressure is laid on it” (Albert Smith). Which is why it is so vital that you learn to surround yourself with people who will not allow you to hide behind your name, your title, your position, your gifts, your anointing, your skills, your talents, your familiarity or comfortability, your business, your church, your ministry, your image, etc. You need people that will say “Let it out!” People who know when to cry with you, for you and those who know when enough is enough and they hand you a tissue and say, “Clean it up and get it together!” These are the mentors who send you back to your wife or husband (whether the hurt was on their part or yours)! They do not however entertain you being lustfully messy with someone else because you are caught up in your feelings. These mentors let you pour out your tears, but they also know how to help you turn off the waterworks and get a beneficial plan together so you can bounce back! If you have not found this mentor yet, locate them fast! And trust me, they will be easy to recognize! They will be the one who knows how to give you a healthy balance between your break-down and your break-through. They are the ones that know how to discern when you need a listening ear, and when you need a verbal rebuke. They know when you need a pat on the back, and when you need a swift kick in the behind. They know when to help you resolve a conflict, and when to let that conflict beat you down because it was never your battle to begin with. Whatever you do, find this mentor!
6. WHO REBUKES YOU? Even with 20/20 vision, one pair of eyes is never enough! You have blind spots! We all do. And Satan is always standing by ready to remind you of your good qualities. Why? Because pride is his expertise! And even the devil knows, “First pride, then the crash—the bigger the ego, the harder the fall.” (Proverbs 16:18 MSG). But a true friend exposes and challenges your self-seeking, self-pleasing, and self-dependence, and helps you to restore to God the authority you have robbed Him of! Who is bold enough to do that for you? “Most of us can read the writing on the wall; we just assume it’s addressed to someone else” (Ivern Ball). You need a person that confirms that the writing on the wall is addressed personally to YOU! You need what David had, a NATHAN! Someone that will tell you to your face, “IT WAS YOU”! Someone who does not care if you get mad, or stop speaking to them, someone who cares more about you being in right standing with God than right standing with them. Who does this for you? Who gets right in your face and rebukes your wrong? If no one, you my friend are in grave trouble!
7. Who Seeks God with You? Praying together keeps us honest! Yes, it is only in the honesty of shared prayer that we draw closer to God, and to one another. The Bible says, “Make this your common practice: “Confess your sins to each other…pray for each other so…you can live together whole and healed. The prayer of a person living right with God is something powerful to be reckoned with…” (James 5:16 MSG). You need someone in your life that is filled with the Word of God, saturated with a Prayer Life, and Disciplined Enough to Fast Consistently! Someone who daily seeks the Face of God, and will therefore, provoke you to do the same. Someone who makes you want to live holy, live right, and live honestly (someone who will confront you if you are not). Someone who helps you come clean with God and others. Someone who helps you be better today than you were yesterday, and better tomorrow than you were today. Who does that for you? “When you knock, ask to see God – none of the servants” (Henry David Thoreau). You need people in your life that help you get past seeking clergy collars and simply seek God instead! People who will not let you simply hold hands in a prayer circle, or wail and fall out at the altar, or wait in long lines for someone to lay hands on you. No, you need partners who will say sit and read the Word until the Word speaks back! Keep your eyes focused until you see God! Sit quietly until you hear God’s voice! Surround yourself with those who are not hung up on the Servants but on the Savior! Stick close to those who have little desire for seeking anything outside of seeking God! Do you have someone like that?
8. WHO PLAYS WITH YOU? Does this sound Unimportant, even Carnal? Well, it is NOT! You must never let the seriousness of life override your need for recreation, a word that is only understood when it is hyphenated ‘RE-CREATION’. Ever notice how energized we are after some Rest, a walk in the park, a movie, or an evening out? In essence, the stress we endure daily has a way of breaking down and destroying our creativity, therefore we need time to focus on something less time constraining and mind exerting. Fresh ideas always flow after some playfulness. So do not get so caught up in schedules and projects that you do not take time out to enjoy life. “A cheerful heart brings a smile to your face; a sad heart makes it hard to get through the day.” (Proverbs 15:13 MSG). Who makes sure you never miss recess? “Human beings need pleasure the way they need vitamins” (Lionel Tiger). Just as recess is a part of a child’s day, make it a part of yours! Include people in your life who challenge you to fly a kite, run a race, go to a museum, a theme park, a picnic. Surround yourself with people who interrupt your 9-5 with a silly joke or an out-of-key song that you sing to the top of your lungs, or a hideous dance move that will send your children seeking for help! Play a board game, walk on the beach, play dodge ball. LOL! Imagine how much fun you will have when you take a break and DO THEM? I remember a really good friend of mine from high school had 2 theme barbecues several years back in the day and one of the themes was you had to come dressed in 1970’s attire! I am still praying those pictures never make it to Facebook! LOL! Her other barbecue was a pajama theme! Sounds ridiculous, but the fun was unbelievable! Peggy is one of my dearest friends because we always make each other laugh and she makes sure that I take a break in life, and LIVE! Think about it: After ALL, Job went through…what does it say in the closing chapter? “AFTER THIS, JOB LIVED…” (Job 42:16 AMP). YES, BELIEVE IT OR NOT, AFTER ALL, THAT JOB EXPERIENCED, THAT OTHER FOLKS WOULD’VE KILLED THEMSELVES OVER…HE ENDURES IT…AND IN THE END…JOB LIVED! In its entirety it reads like this: “AFTER THIS, JOB LIVED 140 YEARS, AND SAW HIS SONS AND HIS SON’S SONS, EVEN TO FOUR GENERATIONS. SO, JOB LIVED, AN OLD MAN AND FULL OF DAYS” (Job 42:16-17 AMP) If you do not have a Peggy like me, find one! She is the key to many fun-filled days in your life! Someone Who Knows All That You Have Endured and At The End Of It All, They Make You LIVE! Today, put your name in this Scripture and then LIVE! “After this, _____________ LIVED!” (Thanks to Bishop James R. Chambers!)
You need to ask yourself today: “Who Coaches Me? Who Stretches Me?; Who Listens to and Encourages My Dreams?; Who Protects Me?; Who Shares My Tears?; Who Rebukes Me?; Who Seeks God With Me (and for me)?; Who Plays With Me?” Because all these components are vital to a healthy and happy you!
In addition, this will cause you to do a thorough search of those in your life and cause you to make necessary adjustments. You will begin to remove negative and pessimistic people. You will get rid of critical and judgmental folks. You will say goodbye to dream stealers and dream killers. You will discard unnecessary people who only pat you on the back and give your overly inflated ego more air. You will strike out those who do not stretch you. You will pull away from those who do not push you, protect you, or play with you. You will become unsatisfied with those who are seeking people instead of seeking God. You will then begin to search for people who mean you well, Body, Soul, and Spirit!
Now, that is What You Call Living A Blessed and Well-Balanced Life!
So, Who Does This For You? Who Helps You? Because it Matters! If you can list them, CELEBRATE THEM, if you do not have them, FIND THEM!
J.P. Olson
www.thewordwithjpolson.org
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