Ephesians 4:26-27, “If you are angry, don’t sin by nursing your grudge. Don’t let the sun go down with you still angry—get over it quickly; for when you are angry, you give a mighty foothold to the devil” (TLB)
Don’t Ruin What Simply Needs Repairing! I always find it amusing and sad that people will quicker redeem cans and coupons, than they will redeem people, relationships, friendships, and even marriages…It’s sad that we possess the Fruit of the Spirit, yet our Flesh has caused it to Rot.
Ephesians 4, starting with verse 26, reads, “In your anger do not sin. Do not let the sun go down while you are still angry, and do not give the Devil a foothold.” Well, there’s a biblical clock here on strained relationships/friendships, just like there is on letting dirty dishes sit untouched. The longer you wait to clean it up, the harder it is to clean it up. Our conflict in relationships/friendships are like that too. That’s why it’s wise not to allow things to sit, settle and fester. Remember, according to the Bible, we have a clock on our discord, and that clock runs out at sundown every day! In other words, we really shouldn’t be hanging on to our anger after the end of the day.
That reminds me a lot of those old Western movies I use to love to watch. If you’ve ever seen them, you will know the famous line all the marshal’s use, “You better be out of here by sundown!” Well, that’s what we’re supposed to be saying to any anger, or resentment, bitterness or conflict that comes up in our relationships/friendships. “Get out of here by sundown!” There’s a good reason for this. You know those food remnants on dirty dishes which I was talking about? If you deal with them right away they’re soft and easy to remove; just kind of scrape them a little bit and they fall right off. But you know what happens if you wait with a dirty plate? The longer it sits dirty, the harder it is to get clean!
Makes me wonder if that’s where we coined the term, “hard feelings“? Because our unresolved hurt is just as hard as the non-rinsed dishes! And sadly enough, that’s when the Devil gets an opportunity to enter a marriage, or a parent-child relationship, or a friendship, or a church, business, school or workplace.
In conducting various marriage counseling sessions, I’ve discovered that at the core of most every marriage breakup there was an issue that once was small, but it wasn’t dealt with when it was small. That’s why it’s so hard to mend marriages, because problems are never dealt with when they occur. They’re not dealt with until what was delayed has now become a damage beyond repair. Which is also why it’s so hard to keep to the current issue, because couples have left so many “small” issues ignored, that now that there’s a problem that happened in January of this year, it can’t be resolved because so much time and energy is still focused on the arguments from January 2015!
In addition, at the core of broken parent-child relationships or a hurting friendship, or a divided church, there are also people who didn’t clean up their anger when it first appeared; when it was still small, when it was still manageable, when it was relatively soft. And now it’s led to a terrible hardening outcome. And the truth is, we can’t blame the devil. The Scripture tells us not to give him a “foothold”, but a foothold is just enough space for a person to put their foot in the door. But, who opened the door? The devil couldn’t get his foot in if you didn’t open the door and grant him access. And how do you grant him foothold access? By sending your anger to answer the door!
“Be angry [at sin—at immorality, at injustice, at ungodly behavior], yet do not sin; do not let your anger [cause you shame, nor allow it to] last until the sun goes down. AND DO NOT GIVE THE DEVIL AN OPPORTUNITY [TO LEAD YOU INTO SIN BY HOLDING A GRUDGE, OR NURTURING ANGER, OR HARBORING RESENTMENT, OR CULTIVATING BITTERNESS].” (AMP).
“…DO NOT GIVE THE DEVIL AN OPPORTUNITY…” And what’s an “opportunity”? It’s defined as “a favorable time or set of circumstances for doing something; a career opening offered; a chance for promotion; a situation or condition favorable for attainment of a goal; a good position, chance, or prospect, as for advancement or success.” And all of that is the Opportunity you allow your grudge, anger, resentment and bitterness to grant to the devil. So when he gets a “foothold” in your relationships, friendships, marriage, children, church, business, workplace, remember who opened the door and invited him in as their special guest…yep, you guessed it…YOU! We made the circumstances favorable for him, we hired him and gave him a career and promotion to destroy our life and loved ones, we helped him attain his goal of disruption, discord and destruction, we placed him in a good position, we helped advance his attack and gain success. Yes, YOU and the emotions you sent to answer the door of your relationships/friendships! This my friend is not one of those times when you can say, “the devil made me do it.” No, WE did it, all on our own! As parents, those are things we like to call Responsibility and Accountability. And if the devil has gotten a foothold into our relationships/friendships, we set out the welcome mat for him to step on. We are held accountable because it was our responsibility to make sure it didn’t happen!
Listen to the Scripture again, “Be angry [at sin—at immorality, at injustice, at ungodly behavior], yet do not sin; do not let your anger [cause you shame, nor allow it to] last until the sun goes down. AND DO NOT GIVE THE DEVIL AN OPPORTUNITY [TO LEAD YOU INTO SIN BY HOLDING A GRUDGE, OR NURTURING ANGER, OR HARBORING RESENTMENT, OR CULTIVATING BITTERNESS].” (AMP). One, small 3-letter word is key, “…LET…” defined as “to allow someone to have the use of” You were not supposed to give the devil a foothold but you did, even though the Scripture commanded you, “…DO NOT LET YOUR ANGER…” Did you catch that? “…YOUR…” All of this is YOUR Responsibility! You are not to give the devil room to be allowed to use your anger against you and your relationships/friendships. WE are held accountable for allowing the devil to have opportunity! And how did we do that? Pay attention to the Scripture:
“…HOLDING A GRUDGE…”; “…NURTURING ANGER…”; “…HARBORING RESENTMENT…”; “…CULTIVATING BITTERNESS…” You know, for this to be “the devil’s” fault, as many will use as their excuse, We sure are doing quite a bit in this text to help him don’t you think?
You Can Get Angry But Watch This: How About We Take A Look At The Part We Play…
“Holding” – is defined as “to grasp, carry, support, keep, have in one’s possession, contain, cause to stay, remain tightly secured”
“Nurturing” – is defined as “to rear and encourage the development of; to feed and cherish”
“Harbor” – is defined as “to keep (a thought or feeling) secretly in one’s mind; to give refuge, shelter or protection to”
“Cultivate” – is defined as “to prepare and use; raise and grow; to maintain; to acquire and develop”
This is how well you take care of your Grudge, Anger, Resentment and Bitterness! Do you know this is better care and treatment than some spouses and children receive! All of the emotions that are opening the door for the devil’s foothold into our relationships/friendships are being Held, Nurtured, Harbored and Cultivated…BY US! Do You Know What We’ve Deliberately Decided to Do With our Grudge, Anger, Resentment and Bitterness, according to the above definitions? We’ve purposely grasped it, carry, support and keep it, we have possession of it, we keep it contained and we cause it to stay by allowing it to be held onto tightly and secure. We’re rearing it up like a child and encouraging its development by feeding and cherishing it. We’re dwelling on it secretly in our thoughts and feelings and it means so much to us that we’ve even provided it with refuge, shelter and protection. We are even preparing it for use as we raise and grow it, maintain, acquire and develop it, because we have absolutely no intentions on letting any of it go! And that’s why the devil has been able to repeatedly enjoy a sweatless-victory over your relationships/friendships. With the loving way we hold our grudges, nurture our anger, harbor our resentment and cultivate our bitterness, what exactly is there left for him to do?
Maybe There’s A Strained Relationship In Your Life Right Now. Could That Be Why God Wanted Us Talking About This Today? Well, if that should be the case, there have been far too many sunsets, too many bad feelings you let hang on! Please understand, it will never be smaller than it is today. I know that it’s bigger than it used to be, but this is the smallest it’s ever going to be. It will never be easier to address that conflict, that resentment, that anger than it is right now, no matter how hard that might seem. It’s only going to get harder the longer you let it sit there untouched and unaddressed. It will only get more costly because you’re going to lose relationships, friendships, trust, support, and even love.
Now, I know we live in a day and age of the “church”, where everybody will tell you, “just let them go, drop ‘em, leave ‘em, forget about ‘em”, however, I do not believe that this is the Conduct of Christians.
Listen, I by no means am saying that those of you with “justifiable hurt and legitimate pain” should not be angry. Even the Scripture doesn’t say that, “GO AHEAD AND BE ANGRY. YOU DO WELL TO BE ANGRY…” (MSG) The Bible does not tell us to hide, mask, camouflage, or pretend with our feelings and emotions. We’re never asked to lie about the level of hurt we’ve experienced. However, we cannot take Part of the Scripture, we must embrace it Whole, and the rest reads, “…BUT DON’T USE YOUR ANGER AS FUEL FOR REVENGE. AND DON’T STAY ANGRY. DON’T GO TO BED ANGRY. DON’T GIVE THE DEVIL THAT KIND OF FOOTHOLD IN YOUR LIFE.” (MSG)
Get Angry, Deal With it in a Healthy Manner, Then Let It Go Before Sundown!
Listen to the Bible, “…DON’T USE YOUR ANGER AS FUEL…” And for a lot of us, that’s exactly what we’re doing, using our anger as fuel. And one of the definitions of “fuel” is “to supply or give power to.” That’s why it keeps going, that’s why that issue never stops, because you keep refueling it, day-by-day, never dealing with it, never addressing it, never resolving it, and never letting it go. Well, today, I was sent to you for the sole purpose of taking your discord out of delay mode, and shifting it to deal with it mode instead!
The word “delay” is defined as “to put off to a later time; defer; postpone; to impede the process or progress of; to put off action; to retard or hinder.” The key word however, is “impede”. It means “to delay or block the progress or action of.” But its Latin Origin “impedire” means ‘shackle the feet of’. How dangerous to have the devil’s foot free, but yours shackled! While you’re doing nothing, he’s able to move around freely all through your house, marriage, family, relationships, friendships and churches and cause havoc everywhere!
Think about it, do you really want to lose that family member; that relationship, that friendship? As much as its meant? As long as it’s been. With all the good times and memories, are you really willing to sit shackled on the sidelines while the devil steps all over everything and everyone you love? Have you forgotten their value, their worth, their importance?
Let no one tell you that anyone is beyond restoration. Not even Jesus felt that way. And He had good reason to kick quite a few folks to the curb, but He didn’t…Judas betrayed Him (but He didn’t discard him); Peter denied Him (but He didn’t discard him); Thomas doubted Him (but He didn’t discard him); and in the end, they all left but John, and still He didn’t discard them, in fact, He gave up His life still. Can you imagine hanging on a cross, dying yourself, between 2 thieves, knowing full well that they are guilty as sin, and yet one calls out to Him, and He still answers. Don’t discard your loved ones. One day they will be on the other side of dirt, and by then it will be too late to wish you would have dealt with what you delayed.
We are still called to the Ministry of Reconciliation. 2 Corinthians 5:16-20, “Because of this decision we don’t evaluate people by what they have or how they look. We looked at the Messiah that way once and got it all wrong, as you know. We certainly don’t look at him that way anymore. Now we look inside, and what we see is that ANYONE UNITED WITH THE MESSIAH GET’S A FRESH START, IS CREATED NEW. THE OLD LIFE IS GONE; A NEW LIFE BURGEONS! Look at it! All this comes from the God WHO SETTLED THE RELATIONSHIP BETWEEN US AND HIM, AND THEN CALLED US TO SETTLE OUR RELATIONSHIPS WITH EACH OTHER. God put the world square with himself through the Messiah, giving the world A FRESH START by offering forgiveness of sins. God has given us the task of telling everyone what He is doing. We’re Christ’s representatives. God uses us to persuade men and women to DROP THEIR DIFFERENCES and enter into God’s work of MAKING THINGS RIGHT BETWEEN THEM. We’re speaking for Christ himself now: Become friends with God; He’s already a friend with you.” (MSG)
All of this God did for us, so we could do the very same for others. Don’t Ruin What Simply Needs Repairing! They Can Be Redeemed, They Can Be Restored, They Can Be Renewed, and You Both Can Be Reconciled! Don’t give up and give in so quickly. Just think where we’d all be if Jesus threw in the towel every time we messed up our relationship/friendship with Him!
Today is always your best opportunity to go to that person and do whatever it takes to repair things. Apologize if you need to, confront if you need to, pray together, talk it through. You just can’t afford the hard spot in your heart that develops from anger that you stuff inside and let sit and settle. Anger never stays the same size. Bitterness never stays the same size. It always grows, just like sin! James 1:13-15,) You can’t afford for the sin of bitterness, resentment and unforgiveness to grow! Neither can you allow anger, even when it’s justified, to grow! Because all you will be doing is helping the devil accomplish his goal, letting those things grow until they become a “…Real Killer” to you, your relationships, friendships, marriages, families, jobs and churches.
Remember the ‘dish-rinse’ philosophy, there’s nothing to gain in waiting! The longer you wait, the harder it gets! Today is a great day for a new start. So, call them, email them, text them, write them, visit them. Whatever it takes for however long it takes, put the work in and rebuild your relationship ruins! It can be done, it will be done. No More Delays…Today…DEAL WITH IT…before the sun goes down!
Luke 17:3-4, “Be alert. If you see your friend going wrong, correct him. If he responds, forgive him. Even if it’s personal against you and repeated seven times through the day, and seven times he says, ‘I’m sorry, I won’t do it again,’ forgive him.” (MSG)
Matthew 18:21-22, "At that point Peter got up the nerve to ask, “Master, how many times do I forgive a brother or sister who hurts me? Seven?” Jesus replied, “Seven! Hardly. Try seventy times seven." (MSG)
Blessings
J.P. Olson
www.thewordwithjpolson.com
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